Back to Work

Well the time has come, I'm back at work tomorrow. I'm trying to be realistic. Of course I have to go back to work. I knew my maternity leave would come to an end. I knew I couldn't stay home forever, my family relies on me for an income. I feel so blessed that I was able to take three months off after Cora was born. And even more grateful that because Mike is a SAHD, the four of us had three amazing months to bond and be together as a family without the demands of a job. Not many families get that experience and I am truly thankful. But it's still sad to think that's it's come to an end so quickly. The past few days have been hard and some days there were tears. But I have to go back to work.

I'm trying to be strong for Mike too, I know he's nervous to be home alone with two kids and how he will juggle the needs of both E and Cora. Cora's not sleeping through the night yet either, I was hoping she would be by the time I went back. Three nights a week he'll be up with her by himself. I'm sad I won't be there to support him. To take turns like we do now. To help with the changing or rocking her back to sleep if she needs it. Some may say, "It's only three nights." But to me it's three nights. Three whole nights not being with my babies, not being able to comfort them if they need me in the middle of the night. I know Mike can handle it. He's got this parenting thing down, I just want to be there too. But I have to go back to work.

I'm nervous how E will react when I'm all of a sudden gone for a while and he only sees me for an hour here and there. He and I have really bonded during these three months. He no longer pushes me away and only wants Daddy. I'm hoping that was just a phase but I'm fearful it will start up again with me being back at work. The thought of him not wanting me to tuck him in or cry when I reach for him breaks my heart. But I have to go back to work.

I'm sure once I get through the first work week, things will seem brighter. I'll get my sleep schedule adjusted again and the four of us will find our new "normal." We'll still have four days to be together as a family and be out and about doing all the things we loved doing while I was on maternity leave. I may just be a little bit more tired (hello caffeine!) The house will probably be a little bit dirtier and the laundry piles a bit deeper. Yes, things will be brighter in a few weeks, but not today. Today, I'm sad and will probably shed more tears because tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I have to go back to work.

Time goes so fast.