Happy Easter

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter.  This Easter was a little bit different for our family than years past. There was no big Easter dinner or big family get together. Today is our last day as a family of three. Tomorrow is the big day for Baby 2's arrival.  Mike and I wanted to keep things low key and enjoy our little family. We were blessed with 70 degree weather which made the day even better.

After E checked out his Easter basket, we headed to church.  It was a packed service.  Thankfully the weather was nice because people were sitting outside in the courtyard.  The church was beautifully decorated and I enjoyed the service.  E must have been worn out from checking out his Easter basket, he slept through the majority of the service.  

After church we tried to take some pictures but E was not in the mood.  He was ready to hunt for Easter eggs.  There's always next year for some nice Easter pictures.

My parents arrived this afternoon for Baby 2's arrival and we spent time outside playing and grilled burgers for our Easter dinner.  Mike's parents will drive over tomorrow and meet us at the hospital and Andrea will be spending the day with E and bring him to the hospital to meet his new brother or sister.

Mike and I are truly blessed to have such amazing family to support us.  Easter 2014 will always be a special time for us.

Here are some pics from the day:

Checking out his Easter basket.  New sand shovel!

Reading his new book.

Slept through church but sticks and trees caught his attention on the way out.

Attempt at Daddy and E pic.

Attempt at Mommy and E pic.

Easter egg hunt.

Easter egg hunt.

Brunch, stuffed french toast, bacon and fruit.

He?

This week I had an ultrasound to check in on the baby’s growth.  Moms with a history of preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome potentially can have babies with lower birth weights.  Our Dr. wanted to make sure Baby 2 was growing in case I had to deliver earlier than the 21st.  We told the ultrasound tech right away that we didn't know the gender of the baby and we didn't want to know so make sure we didn't mistakenly see anything.  It was towards the end of the ultrasound and she was trying to get the baby’s heart rate and the tech made the comment, “HE won’t stop moving around.”  Now, I don’t know if she just said “He” and didn't mean anything by it or if she knew what the gender was and let it slip.  Mike didn't catch this comment during the ultrasound but now we’re all wondering… “Is Baby 2 a he?”  Only time will tell, 8 days to be exact, and we’ll find out! 

As far as the growth of the baby, just fine.  Estimated weight is 7lbs and 13oz. which seems huge compared to E who weighed in at a tiny 6lbs 6oz.   

Spring Break - Gesellchen Style

Mike and I had very different spring breaks this year.  He spent his in Phoenix and Vegas, while I spent mine in Iowa and Minnesota.  I feel like there’s something wrong with this situation!  Mike has an annual guys trip to Vegas for March Madness.  It was good for him to get away from his daily routine of being at home with E.  It was good for me too, I really enjoyed the time I had with E. It’s rare the two of us get that much time together without Mike.  My mom came to our house at the beginning of the week to watch E while Mike was gone and I worked.  Then we drove to Iowa and spent a few days at the farm so we could see my dad and grandma.  It’s always good to go back “home,” I’ll always be an Iowa country girl at heart.  At the end of the week, Mom, E, and I drove back to Minnesota so I could start another week of work (12 working days left before maternity leave!) and Mike came home on Saturday.  Mike said he had a fun trip but was ready to be home with his family.

Here’s pics from E’s and my spring break:  

We played with the barn cat.

We took naps.

We pet the goats.

We drove tractors.

We ate cupcakes.

We went out for lunch.

Over the Next Month

In less than a month, we will be welcoming Baby 2 to our family. My c-section is scheduled for April 21st at 11:40am.  I have four weeks left of work and am cutting back to 8 hours per night instead of 12.  I'm looking at this as a blessing and going to take full advantage of my extra time at home.  Over the next month, I plan on enjoying my pregnancy as much as I can.  If Mike has his way, this will be our last baby.  If this is our last baby, I want to be fully present and remember what it's like to be pregnant.  I'm going to spend time just lying on the couch feeling my baby kick and flip all over in my tummy.

Over the next month I also want to soak up E as much as I can. I want him to feel loved and secure and show him there is enough love in our family for both kids.  I want to remember E as my little baby before he quickly becomes the big brother.

I'm so excited to meet this baby.  Our family has been anxiously awaiting it's arrival and he or she is already so loved.  However, this last month will also be very special.  I'ts our final days of a family of 3 and I will cherish every moment.

A Year of Blogging

This week marks the one year anniversary of my blog.  I took time to read all of my posts over the past year.  When I started this blog, I wanted to be able to share things with family and friends who I don't see that often.  I also needed a creative outlet of some sort and I enjoy writing so blogging seemed the perfect fit.  After I was done reading, I didn't realize how much it meant to me having my family's lives documented like that for a year.  I've really enjoyed having this blog and I hope one day E and Baby 2 will look back and appreciate reading stories of their early childhood and not be too embarrassed.

Over the next year, I'd like to get more familiar with the tech portion of the blog and spice it up a bit.  But for now I'll just keep writing stories of how each day I'm finding my maternal side and loving every minute of it.  

Feeling Like Spring and Mommy E Time

Today is one of those days that gives me hope that once again it will be summer.  Yes, my yard is still covered with over a foot of snow but I can see some grass peaking out where paths were shoveled.  And the sun is shinning and feels so warm.  I'm feeling confident the Twin Cities is turning the corner into spring.

E and I headed out this morning for some much needed Mommy E alone time.  E is a Daddy's boy through and through.  He'll even go through phases where he'll want nothing to do with me which of course breaks my heart but I get it, he's with Mike 24/7 and he's a toddler.  It doesn't help that with my work schedule I barely see E for 2 days and then it takes him a day or so to adjust that Mom is back home.  So E and I needed some quality 1-on-1 time.  And frankly, Mike's been getting a little too comfortable in his AHD routine so I forced him out of the house to do something on his own.

First stop for E and I, Caribou.  I've been on a Caribou kick lately, I've stopped there the past four days in a row and ordered the same thing, Sparkling Green Tea Lemonade.  If that drink doesn't scream spring, I don't know what does.  I continued my trend for the week and ordered my drink and E had a mini strawberry smoothie.  We spent the morning reading books and chatting about the pictures on the wall.  He was the perfect Caribou date!  

                                             

       

Next stop was Trader Joe's.  I like shopping at TJ's because of their unique selection and during the week it's not crowded at all.  It's perfect to bring E there because I can let him walk freely and throw stuff in the cart without worrying he's going to get in someone's way.  It's small too which makes it easier to keep an eye on him.  Not to mention there's always samples and balloons or stickers for him to enjoy.

I couldn't resist the gorgeous spring flowers as I walked into Trader Joe's.

After groceries, it was home for lunch, a little construction site play and then down for a nap.  Now I'm enjoying the quiet of my house and the crisp fresh spring air coming in the open window.  Mike is continuing his alone time and went for a run.  Tonight it's off to sister Andrea's for dinner, no cooking or dishes for me tonight!  

On My Mind

I'm trying not to stress about it and convince myself not to worry.  I'm trying to act like it's no big deal and whatever happens happens.  But it is a big deal and I am worried about it.  I want it to work out so badly.  It didn't work with E and I honestly think I will always hold a little bit of guilt in my heart, guilt that I gave up to soon, that I didn't try harder.

When I was pregnant with E I had all intentions of breastfeeding.  I didn't even consider using formula at all.  On my birth plan, I specifically said "No formula to baby."  But looking back on E's birth, nothing went like I had planned.  I tried nursing hours after the c-section.  We got a few good latches but nothing was coming out.  I was in the hospital for 5 days and tried every 2 hours to nurse and nothing was happening.  All the nurses and lactation consultants were helpful.  I had to use formula because E was loosing weight.  I wouldn't let them use it in a bottle, we used it in a supplemental nursing system.  The last night in the hospital, Mike and I needed a break.  We had E stay in the nursery so we could get some sleep.  He ended up scarfing down 2 2oz bottles of formula.  I was sad that he had a bottle so soon but I knew my baby was probably starving and needed it.

I continued to try to nurse at home and I pumped after every feeding.  It was so much harder than I thought it was going to be.  Somedays it seemed I would nurse E, pump and then he was hungry again.  I constantly had something attached to me and I resented when E wanted to nurse.  When I would pump, I would barely get 2oz.  I was using everything I pumped in order to avoid formula.  Mike said he supported me in whatever I wanted to do.  I was grateful for that.  I could tell he wanted me to use some formula so I could get a break now and then but he also knew how important breastfeeding was to me.

I remember the day I made the decision to stop breastfeeding.  It was a Friday, E was just over a month old.  Mike had left earlier that day for a golf tournament in his hometown and my mom was coming up later that afternoon to help out for the weekend.  It was a hard day.  E wouldn't stop crying, I tried everything I could think of but in my gut I knew he was hungry.  I broke down and fed E some formula I had from the hospital.  I cried while he inhaled the bottle.  I felt like a failure, like there was something wrong with me.  But then I looked down at my baby's face and he was so content as he looked up at me.  We looked into each other's eyes and I remember feeling a real bond with him for the first time.  It's like he was finally content and I knew I made the right choice in giving him the formula.

I still pumped as much as I could until I went back to work, then E was 100% on formula.  Looking back, I do wish I would have tried harder or gotten more help.  But at the time, I made the best decision I could, I was just a mom trying to feed her baby the best way I knew how.

I don't know how things will happen with Baby 2, especially since I know I'm having a c-section again which can sometimes delay milk production.  This time around I will know how truly hard breastfeeding is.  I will understand that it takes time and patience and I am going to do my best to take a relaxed approach.  I'll also have a 2 year old who will need me as well so I have to be realistic with my plans.  All I know is that I will try my hardest to breastfeed but one look at E will remind me that if I have to use formula, that will be ok too.