From the minute I leave work, my evenings are a whirlwind. I don’t see E in the morning so evenings are my time with him. But I must admit, there are times when I think back to my pre-Mommy days when my evenings were all mine. It doesn't help that E is going through a phase where from about 5-7 in the evening he’s cranky, clingy and hungry. Not a good combination. Thank goodness for Cheerios, they make a perfect appetizer until we can get dinner on the table.
After dinner, there’s cleaning up to do and lunches to pack and baths to take. Before you know it, it’s bedtime for E and me. There are some nights I come home from work and I swear, I don’t sit down until I crawl into bed! What happened to my evenings? I used to stop for some shopping on my way home from work, hit up a happy hour, or on the rare occasion go to the gym. I could come home and sit on the couch and get caught up on my trashy TV or read a book and not have to worry about someone pulling a lamp over.
The other night I came home from work and E was still napping. I couldn't help but feel a little happy about that. It was nice to come home and do whatever I wanted. I thoroughly enjoyed watching some Kourtney and Kim while catching up on Facebook and blogs. There was no crying, climbing, or “No, No”. It was my time and it felt great. As soon as I heard E wake up from his nap I felt disappointed my time was over. Then came the guilt, lots of guilt. How could I feel disappointed about seeing my baby boy when I hadn't seen him all day? Because he’s a lot of work that’s why! I’m not a bad Mommy for not wanting to spend every moment with my child. I do love spending time with E and miss him so much during the day. I honestly can say that. But I’m still me, and I like watching trashy TV in peace and quiet.
I love that you're still you! E will love you even more in the long run for loving yourself enough to still be you while you evolved into being his mom.
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